"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
Jane Austen

Sunday, October 24, 2010

between you and me

How are you supposed to feel when someone who was once very special calls you up- someone with whom you used to share an intense emotional bond for years and years and who is married to someone else now - when you find the eccentric and immature person, who you never thought would be sane, talking about his 1.5 year old son who he says is very naughty?

Yes, you were expecting his call. He had called you up last year just before the Durga Puja - the season carries with it memories and remembrances - last year you had choked and had hung up midway.. You had not saved the number from which he had called.. you had not felt the need to. But since the last few months you have been wanting to talk to him. When everybody can be forgiven, why not he? When X and Y can live in peace with the knowledge that you have forgiven them and accepted fate and moved on.. why should A be denied that peace? Was it not him whom you had loved the most... was it not him whom you have ever truly loved?  ... you were hoping for and wishing that he calls up..

Well he did.. he did not tell his name as usual ... and kept on mumbling "its me.. its me".. and you understood who it was... Old buddies talked after a long time.. friends who understood each other and had known each other for years had catching up to do.. and so they did.. it was a warm chat.. it felt good.. for the first time he told you his wife's name when you asked him.. he told you about his son whom he had not mentioned in the last conversation... "he is named Swapnarghyo.. he does not have a strange name like me" and the two of you shared a hearty laugh...he asked some personal questions and seemed to get the subtle replies that you gave... he said he is not happy.. " when will you be happy if you are not happy with a child?" .."your question is justified but I do not know the answer"..... "I cannot believe you have a family with a wife and a kid.. I cannot imagine you as a responsible father" you mumble.. "I dont know whether I am a good husband and a good father but I try my best" he says humbly.. "that's very good" is your spontaneous and honest reaction... "my wife has a cadaverous temper.. I ask her how she controls it in the school where she works" he confides.. "good for her.. and serves you right... your partner needed to have a temper.. otherwise your temper and mood swings would have killed her" you say without hesitation.. both of you pause for a few seconds.. memories flood in... and you manage to giggle warmly...

Its time to hang up.. with lot of peace and goodness in your heart you wish each other well... he who never wore his heart on his sleeves blurted out "it was nice.. it was very very nice talking to you.. TaTa".

Yes, it was nice. You had wanted it to be nice -- you thank God and yourself for making it nice -- you feel happy with yourself--- you are proud.. of yourself...


  1. nice to know taht he has moved on well. and of course, i feel proud that you have matured so much and really moved on and could forgive him. forgiveness is a real virtue and you are bestowed with it.

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  3. koyel,

    maybe you are the only person who knows what he meant to me and how hard it was for me.. and why i feel so proud of and good about myself today... maybe, only you and I know why this pride is so important for me..

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  5. "Om Shanti Om... I'm a Peaceful Soul" - heard on "Bramhakumaris" the other day

  6. Kaleido,

    thanks for understanding!

    I often meditate with "I'm a peaceful soul"...