"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
Jane Austen

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Kaal aamar Jammodin chhilo, Baba

Thanks to All those who have been wishing me since the 8th through phone texts, FB texts, Google chats, phone calls, Timeline messages.. and of course to my Mom for being the only one to wish me in person.. and for the only B-day gift, that too from her and Suchir Aabhushan.. smile emoticon .. and thanks to myself for treating me with a Chinese dinner from Chopsticks via foodpanda as requested by my dear Maasi Sima Sengupta heart emoticon.. I could not eat much as I was feeling a bit bloated.. So, I have food stacked up in the refrigerator.. for today and tomorrow I guess smile emoticon
It was my first B-day without Baba around.. I was constantly stung by painful memories, particularly those of 2013 and 2014 when I had tried to block away all his simple attempts to celebrate my birthday.. I was unwilling to cut cakes, accept gifts, and was even annoyed at the sight of birthday cakes that he had bought.. I kept telling him "Sorry" throughout the day yesterday.. I remember feeling repentant around my oblivious Baba last year also, but nothing can be compared to this year's guilt and pain, this year's void.. My only faith is that he understood how I felt, my only belief is that he knew my inner complexes..
Since the day Baba has left this mortal word, I have been flooded and overwhelmed with love.. All my blocked away friends have returned to my life.. and I have experienced and received love with open arms, I have felt blessed.. I have realized what Baba had done to me when he went away.. he had blessed me to receive love.. maybe that has been his birthday gift to me this year.. he knew what I needed, what I missed.. He knew .. always..
Both last year, and this year, I have missed hearing him say "Aaj ekjon-er Jammodin" heart emoticon .. Kaal aamar Jammodin chhilo, Baba <3 p="">

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